Skin Deep
by AbraFilo
Summary: spoiler for Hellsing Vol 9 don't say you weren't warned. Dok does a routine checkup on the Major and is left with many things to think about.


Disclaimer: Hellsing is owned by Kohta Hirano, not me. I do not own any of the characters or Hellsing and the events that take place are purely fictional.

_"So suiting zhat he's not here yet, isn't it?"_ Dok thought bitterly as he sat on the old battered chair. He would have probably went to the other side of the room to further some research on other experiments but he wanted to be exactly **where** he was and sitting the **way **he was, arms crossed with a very pronounced sneer plastered on his lips. There was no hope of ever hearing an apology but Dok could at least try for a pass on the jokes that the Major would no doubt bring with him. Either way he was already in a mood fit for carving something or someone up after hearing that constant and rythmic drip and nothing else for the past twenty minutes. The fact that he had over five hundred packets of blood in the room was reason enough to keep him seated. Dok wasn't about to even consider picking through them to find the dripper, he'd do the smart thing and let it run out or look for the puddle on the floor after the Major left._"If he ever shows up"_ he thought as anger boiled within him once more. Dok flicked on the lights connected to the examination table and turned them to full power, blinding, just the way he needed them. Though he had already checked ten times and each result was the same it didn't lesson his smile in the least. Dok heard a small group of soldiers crossing in front of his office and turned his head to the side to better hear their conversation, one look in his general direction however and they quickened their pace drastically. They may have been vampires but that didn't change the storys that they had heard about the Doktor nor did it change the screams they heard from behind the always closed door. There was also no doubt that a good majority had stood witness to the streams of blood rushing out from under the door as if it too was trying to escape.

"Guten Abend Dok, you veren't planning to do zee examination vith your eyes closed?"

"Nein" Dok answered quickly, any anger he had been feeling earlier against this little man diminished the instant Major's melodic voice broke through his train of thought. Dok could not understand what it was about the man even after almost six decades but something about him just commanded fear. The slow and relaxed pace at which he walked, his always cheerful and musical voice or the golden eyes that appeared to see beyond everything and into the very world he always longed for. Or maybe it was that omnipresent chillingly sly smile on his face a smile that almost made you feel as though he was watching as an anvil or something was about to fall on you and squash your pathetic life out of existence. Most likely however, it was just the simple fact that Dok knew damn well he would let it happen, It wouldn't be the first time and probably not the last. He hastily turned on the examination lights as the Major stepped through the door closing it behind him. The heavy metal door closing against it's frame created a quick and sudden draft in the room that chilled Dok's very soul and the barely audible click rang in his ears like thunder. It was indeed one of his greatest fears and greatest joys to be alone with the Major. Why? you might ask, well aside from the fact that he feared for his life and safety like anyone with even a lick of common sense would, you could also say that the Major was in fact one his greatest achievments.

Major walked across the room in his casual way and as he finally reached the examining table he realized it was above his head. He searched the floor around him to see if he had missed the stool by some chance and quickly realized that he hadn't.

"Dok it vould be rather nice if there vas a vay for me to get on zee exam table vithout jumping or climbing or vatewer you had in mind."

"Mein apologies herr Major" Dok replied before Major had even finished speaking and began frantically searching his office for a stool._"How zee hell did I forget zhat"_ He thought bitterly.

"Vhy ist zee table so high anyvay?" Major asked while measuring himself up to it and evidently by the dark flash in his eyes found himself a little shorter than he would have liked.

"It ist because I don't vant specimens disappearing und a higher table makes it less likely for zhem to valk out" he said, neglecting to mention that he didn't mind so much that the experiments escaped from him but who they were captured by that bothered him. The first time wasn't so bad, Zorin had caught that unfortunate experiment and to put it simply Dok spent a good portion of the next morning cleaning her up and trying to put her back together. It was the next time that really unnerved him though, the experiment had escaped and had to have been crawling because the straps that were binding his legs had not been torn to pieces like the ones binding his wrists. Dok had quickly doused a rag in morphine and left the office in a sprint hoping that he would get lucky and retrieve the specimen before anyone had caught his mistake. When he turned the corner his sprinting came to an abrupt stop as he slipped and landed on his back with a very painful thud. Lights had flashed behind his eyes and he let out a groan which only sharpened the pain that was already throbbing throughout his head and neck. Curious as to what he had slipped on Dok brought a hand up over his face and was greeted by a bloodied glove and a few droplets fell on his face. Dok pulled himself to his knees and cursed his non existent luck, he knew without looking just where he was and that was right in front of Major's room. Major had obviously caught the experiment and Dok was just about to knock when he heard the first clue that he was better off leaving it right where it was. The first thing he heard was a small choked whimper which wasn't at all out of place the Major was a merciless and curious sadist, Dok wouldn't put it past him even for a second to be torturing/mutilating the specimen right now. That's when he had heard that sound, like someone bitting into a peach, at first he was confused but then he heard a snap followed by a muffled scream. His imagination put the puzzle together and he spent the next week holed up in his office like a hermit.

Dok reached the stool that was buried deep under a pile of other miscellanious things he only needed once in a blue moon, it must have been seven or eight years since he had to do a checkup on the Major._"Vell at least I don't haff to suffer through zhis wery often"_ he thought unable to supress at least some feeling of pride at a job well done. Dok jerked the stool free of the mess inside the cabinet and nearly caught his finges shutting the door. The Major was only 4'7" so after stepping on the stool the table was still up to his chest so his only options were still climb or jump. The Major merely sighed, placed his finges on the side of the table and jumped up. He nearly lost his grip and slipped back off but quickly shifted his center of balance forward so he fell on the table. After that he merely sat upright and crossed his legs over the edge of the table in that same way he always sat all the while with that smirk directed at Dok.

"So vhat exactly did you vant to see me for Dok?"

"Vell to be truthful" Dok answered supressing the tremble in his voice "I think your arm ist... hurt"

The smile recedded so slightly that anyone who wasn't watching closesly would have easily missed it, Dok however was watching very closely and he felt a cold sweat emerge on the back of his shoulders and neck. Dok knew that he should have done the checkup as soon as he noticed any problem or complications which would have been over a week ago. In all honesty Dok had actually succeded in deluding himself to thinking that the problem would 'fix itself', _"Oh ja, zhat vould happen" _he scolded himself _"und maybe herr Major vill start thinking rationally too"_. The only thing that the Major could heal naturally was his skin and even that sometimes didn't work out so well. As a result to waiting he noticed it get worse by the day, what was at first a very slight delay in motion became small jerky motions and yesterday his index and ring finger developed and involuntary twitch. Watching him eat supper the day before Dok realised he couldn't let it go on any longer. The Major had obviously improvised and left his hand on the table and had carved up his food with the side of the fork. Dok had been hidding in the shadows of the doorway and had registered the looks on the soldiers faces and had been hearing pieces of their conversations, everytime he could get close enough without being noticed that is. A lot of it had centered around Major's arm and some had wondered if he was dying or if he was finally giving up on the human disguise. Many of the soldiers had agreed long ago that the Major was some sort of vampire who had let Dok experiment on him because he had only wanted the immortality. Many of them had greatly admired him based on that rumor alone, they all knew first hand that it was almost impossible to supress vampiric urges. It went well for all of them in that scenario, the soldiers stared but didn't ask and the Major enjoyed the attention regardless of the fact that he didn't know what it was for.

"I need to open up your left shoulder" Dok said in almost a whisper. The Major merely smiled at him without even budging an inch.

"Meaning I need you to remove your shirt" Dok whispered.

"Ja, I know" Major replied.

Dok remembered this little game all too well, it was one of the Major's favorites. The poor idiot, which nine times out of ten was Dok would move forward and put his hand within the Majors reach and have to play a game called 'Mercy' the goal, in a nutshell, is where two people intwine the fingers of their hands with the fingers of the other persons and attempt to bend the other persons arms in a way that God never intended them to bend until they say mercy. What the Major lacked in height he almost certainly made up for with intellegence, if he couldn't reach he'd make it come to him. Dok knew that the Major was very willing to wait hours if he had to, even for one short round so Dok quickly put his arm forward before he could change his mind. Major instantly grasped his hand when it came into his arms reach and yanked so suddenly that Dok lost balance and fell to his knees while trying to grab the table with his other hand. He looked up into the Majors smiling face and felt his long fingers intwine with his free hand, now both his hands were caught. The Major didn't waste any time as Dok felt a sudden pain shoot through his wrist and the very onesided game began. It didn't end well for Dok, it never did, Major had already won thirty seconds in but wasn't nearly satisfied at such an easy victory. Instead he experimented with different techniques for another ten or fifteen minutes before he was fully satisfied and released Dok from his grip.

"For somevone vith such a great reach you certainly do not use it to your adwantange."

"I'm not nearly as strong as you herr Major" Dok replied as he rubbed his sore and potentially twisted wrist. The Major was someone who didn't particularly play to win but to cause pain and agony, to the misfortune of many people he was rather good at that. Dok opened the top drawer of a white cabinet to the left of the examination table that had been pre-set to hold all the potential material he would need for the Major. It was very neatly organized and he immediatly found what he needed, which at the moment was a long thin and pointed object. Turning back to the table he saw that the Major had removed his shirt and was now prepared for the minor operation. Dok carefully placed a hand on the Majors shoulder and was quite pleased to feel the short man shiver. At least he knew the damage hadn't gone so far as the nerve endings, that was a relief. He gently prodded around his shoulder and neck to find the exact location of the central nerves area again, it had been seven years since he had to do anything even remotely similair. When he found the spot he quickly punctured the skin with the metal object and asked the Major the required question."How does your arm feel?"

"Cold und numb" the Major replied while examining the pictures and charts on the opposite wall. The Major never liked to be reminded of his lost humanity in any way, shape or form. Dok remembered commenting once on how much quicker checkups would go if he would take a little time out of each day to check himself over to make sure he was 'functioning' properly. The Major had looked him right in the eyes with a grin from ear to ear and asked if he would like to experiment with upgrades and repairs on himself, firsthand, he never said another thing about it."How ist your arm feeling now?" Dok asked

"Numb" the Major answered simply. Dok had already began moving in with the first tools he needed. removing the skin proved to be much more difficult than he thought, apparently the regeneration rate improved over time and was reluctant to leave the frame. After a minute or so of struggling with regenerating skin he decided to clip it in place and move on from there as opposed to tearing it off, it would be a terrible waste anyway. Dok again reached into the drawer and pulled out two more tools while placing the used ones on a metal slab so he could disenfect them later. Then the important part began, fixing the problem, it was easy to see even at a glance. The frame holding the wiring together hadn't been screwed together tight enough because it was wide open and the wiring looked like a jar of snakes. Dok let out an aggrevated breath and began reorganizing the wires in the proper order that he had committed to memory, it would still take fifteen to twenty minutes to put everything back in its proper place. It was difficult work too, his fingers were of course too large so he was stuck useing tweezers which he wasn't fond of doing. The thing he probably hated most about the instrument was manouvering it, which proved to be greatly difficult considering the build of his hands. Even so he worked as quickly and precisely as he could for the next ten or so minutes until Major asked him a question that was very out of character for him.

"Dok, did you ewer consider changing anything about me vhen you vere rebuilding me?" He asked still refusing to look over to where the wires were sprawled across his shoulders. Dok knew that the Major wasn't one who enjoyed hearing the expected or most reasonable answer so he chose his next words carefully.

"In vhat sense do you mean?"

"In any sense" Major answered as his smile broadened, Dok would never understand how these things interested him.

"Vell" Dok began as he started fitting the last few wires back into the frame "I often thought of improwing your sight so you might be able to shoot better, but zhen again zhat-"

"Did you ewer think of adjusting mein free vill?" Major cut in. Dok felt his blood run cold, he turned his head to see the Major's smiling face less than five inches away.

"I can only imagine vhy" Major snickered as he looked Dok over in a swift motion then exploded with laughter. Dok knew exactly what the Major meant by that and didn't know weather or not to laugh, he went for the inbetween and forced a very slight smile to his face, it almost killed him but he managed.

"Major you haff known me for ower fiwe decades, you vould know zhat I'm not queer."

"I do, ja, but zhee look on your face ist so utterly amuseing, und you are setting yourself up you know." He said bursting into a knew laughing fit, Dok did not like being labeled gay just because of the clothes he wore but wasn't about to argue with the Major about the complexity of sexual preference and how it went far beyond the way people dressed themselves. He merely removed the clips from the skin around the Major's exposed metallic frame and watched as the skin began regrowing before he turned his back on the little man. He had placed all the previously used tools on the metal slab and was ready to walk over to the sink to begin decontaminating them when he felt a very pronounced strain on the end of his right sleeve. Dok yelped and nearly jumped out of his skin, he never liked being restrained or even touched. The tools hit the floor scattering everywhere and that's when he heard the chuckle. Looking over his shoulder to the right Dok could see the Major standing there still holding his sleeve and looking overly pleased with himself, no doubt at the mess he'd just caused.

"Vhy zee hell vould you do zhat?" Dok asked grinding his teeth barely able to keep from exploding. It was a very suprising moment when the Major wrenched him down to his own level by the sleeve and the smile vanished from his face, obviously to emphasize that what was about to be said wasn't something to be taken lightly.

"Can you guess vhat I vould change about you Dok?"

"Nein" Dok answered feeling his throat contract from dread of Major doing something less than pleasant to his face.

"I vould make it so zhat you vould cease to hate yourself."

Dok felt stunned for a moment and wondered how the Major even knew and was even more suprised to think of the idea that he actually cared. Before he could stutter something that he hadn't even thought of yet the Major spoke again.

"Somevone zhat creates such beautiful toys should know better zhan anyvone zhat appearence-" He paused and pulled up Dok's left hand encircling his own thumb and fingers around Dok's two fused ones "-barely shows anything about who ve really are."

Dok could think of nothing to say, it was the first time in his life that he was truly speechless and not just bitting his tongue. He didn't even know where to begin on even letting it sink in, if he should even allow that. Major merely let the smile slide back onto his face forming a rather smug look and casually walked back to the door."Dok?"

"Ja, herr Major?" Dok asked turning to the door to see the Major silhoueted with his back turned.

"I tell you zhis because I firmly believe that life ist absolutely vorthless if you are not striving to enjoy ewery minute of it, und ewery time you feel that foolish self loathing that you haff grown quite accustomed too it takes from your joy vitch in turn takes from your vork und zhen takes from mein joy."

The Major then turned to face Dok and in the shadows of the doorway all Dok could make out was his silhouete, his gloves, his smile and his glasses which reflected the light from the examining table.

"Are you following me Dok?"

Dok didn't answer, he didn't need too, it was perfectly clear what the Major was saying and he didn't want to continue this conversation any longer. The Major snickered and walked out of sight and Dok could hear every step he took as they echoed down the vast empty halls. The best thing to do right now would be clean up so he began that process like he did every night after finding the equipment that was scattered about the floor. Dok finished the cleanup early and began to finally look for that dripping blood pack that had annoyed him so much earlier. It wasn't a long or difficult search because the puddle was enormous, it was much more likely that many packs had broke open. He began pulling all the samples off the shelf in armfulls until he got to the bottom and found that a small mirror was on the bottom of the shelf right where he had last hid it. Dok picked it up carefully and let the cold blood stream off until he hesitantly peered into it. The mirror showed the face of a young and stressed out looking man complete with the eccentric multilensed glasses he always wore. Dok moved to place his other hand on it and felt a sudden pain as a sharp edge slit his unfused fingers open. He pulled back and put them up to his lips and stopped when he glanced back at the mirror and saw himself. An all too familiar hate burst within him at the sight of his fingers bleeding all down his chin.

_"Vhy are people so cruel to me"_

_"Because zee easiest way for people to make themselwes feel better ist to tear others down. Ve find reasons to hate eachother und to fight vith eachother und newer stop to zhink of how ve vould feel if ve vere zee ones being wictimized. Your mother und I can't alvay's be zhere to stop zhem either At zee end of zee day Avondale, all you can do ist stand up for yourself because ve von't alvays be here to do it for you." _

He had cried after his father told him that, it was the hardest logic he would ever learn, that people would always be cruel to him for no other reason than the fact that he was different. Dok had buried his head in his father's shoulder and his father had just held him to let his son know that he was there. Dok knew his father was crying too, he could feel the tears drop on his head. It was the last time he would ever be comforted by anyone of his family because the next morning is when they were captured. He remembered seeing his mother and father dragged across the grass to a big van he had screamed and cried for them to not leave him, the soldiers had struck the boy with the butt's of their guns and laughed as the van drove away.

Dok let the mirror slip between his fingers and drop to the floor then watched as it shatterd into a few dozen pieces but saw that it stayed in perfect place despite the impact. Looking into the mirror he saw many different aspects of his face through different shards. A tear drop hit the mirror closely followed by another, he turned away.

**My first Hellsing story and my longest fanfic yet, I'm impressed. Well not at the amount of time it took me to complete it, that's a little sad actually but the story turned out much better and deeper than I thought. Hope everyone enjoys it on some level or other.**

**Sincerely, Adam**


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